Is it true that staplers are really just tiny, mechanical vampires?

Let's compare the similarities and differences of each:

SIMILARITIES:

Vampire Stapler

Has long, sharp teeth. Has long, sharp teeth.

Holy water causes damage. Holy water causes rust.

Cannot eat garlic. Cannot eat garlic.

Sleeps in wooden coffin. Sleeps in wooden drawer.

Turns invisible when sought. Turns invisible when sought.

Does not appear to age. Does not appear to age.

Can draw blood. Can draw blood.

Cannot cross running water. Cannot cross running water under own power under own power.

Cannot enter your home unless carried. Cannot enter your home unless invited carried.

DIFFERENCES:

Vampire Stapler

No reflection in mirror. Reflects in mirror.

Afraid of crosses. No reaction to crosses.

Able to fly. Doesn't fly very well.

Can change shape. Cannot change shape.

Can hypnotize with a glance. No eyes to glance with.

As you can see, there are more similarities than differences.

Ordinarily, that might be enough to suggest that, yes, staplers are just little mechanical vampires.

However, there's one more big difference, one which tips the scales towards a big resounding "NO": you don't see geeky Goth-wannabees running around the club scene pretending to be staplers.