The Fresh Start Principles
Thomas Whiteman

8 Steps:

1. God will strengthen us, but we must take responsibility to seek wholeness.

2. As people deal with major change, they go through certain broadly defined emotional stages.

3. Healing takes time.

4. This is a slippery slope -- we will fall back sometimes.

5. Forgiveness is essential but elusive.

6. Our view of ourselves affects how we relate to others.

7. Your healing can be helped or hurt be the company you keep.

8. You complete your fresh start by helping others.

Notes:

His mother had cancer. God allows suffering to teach us lessons. God didn't heal his mother's cancer, but He made her stronger through the circumstance.

God can build a bridge and take away suffering, but we wouldn't learn a thing. We don't want to have to go through the same thing again. Looking back, we will see how God has taught us and brought us through trials.

There is an important balance between self and sacrifice. Too much sacrifice can cause us to make foolish mistakes and burnout. There's a time when we need to be built up. Give accurate feedback. Don't think too highly, too lowly, or too much about ourselves.

It's not a sin to love yourself. "Love others as yourself."

People in ministry going through tough times needs to step back, at least for awhile. They need to reduce stress in order to be restored. You owe it to others to take some time to recover, so that you are well to teach and fulfill your responsibilities. You need to be ministered to for a time.

Like being in intensive care, the person needs rest. They cannot minister in that condition. The same thing goes for pastors who are hurting and recovering. They cannot and should not be expected to give as they did before.

At first the patient can only eat ice cream. They begin slowly with little things. So should recovering lay workers and pastors. They should do something like sing or teach a 3^rd grade Sunday school class.

Christians become more mature after experiencing trauma.

Ultimately, God has called us to serve others and give of ourselves. There must be time to recharge the batteries before your car runs out of gas, though. The view of yourself will affect how you help others. Rebuilding your self-esteem is important. Through trauma you may feel insecurity and insignificance. The relationship with the Lord needs to be restored. Significance needs to be restored due to the fact that I am God's. And who I am. And God loves me.

When I don't care about me or think that others care about me, I can easily make mistakes. Knowing that people care and people will miss me is motivation to get out of bed and go to church. I need to know that somebody cares. I need to be loved like my mother loves me. Just because I am.

People like men need things to do. Some men don't go to church for various reasons - they don't feel needed or competent is the root.

Ask: What kind of person do you want to become? Where can I go to meet people that will be conducive to the type of person I want to become?

It is important to be fed at church, but it is also important to get involved.

For troubled marriages: Try and get on with life. Go to Bible studies, go back to school, find support and encouragement, get a job. This will make you more attractive spouse and prepare you in case they never come back.

Pray for a miracle, but be prepared for the worse.

You can't control how they act, but you can control how you react.

Some people need to hear things from somebody else. Like family members. They may hear it from you, but not listen.

If someone cannot be successful it makes it harder to move on with their lives. Experiencing success make it easier to put things behind you.

Some people will experience delayed reactions with divorce. They don't realize how hard it will be or what the future will hold. They think that they will see both parents all of the time, but when they don't, they experience some trauma.

Let kids know that it is not their fault and God will take care of them. They may not grasp it, but they need to know this.

2 Biblical reasons for divorce: adultery and abandonment by an unbeliever. If they have Biblical grounds for divorce, they have permission to remarry. But that is in God's hands. The goal is health -- spiritually and emotionally. Getting remarried doesn't necessary solve any problems or help any unfulfilled areas. Just because they have Biblical grounds it doesn't mean that it is best for them.